7.01.2009

*Loud Sigh*



Is it wrong for me to dislike being a stay @ home mom/wife?
It's cool @ times, but often I feel like I'm just wasting time. Maybe
not wasting time (that's harsh), but I don't feel like I'm being very
productive.

I hear all the rebuttals in my head:
  • You're spending more time w/ the kids (which I LOVE)
  • Keeping the house is just as strenuous (if not more) as having a job
  • A woman's place is in the home (lol...right)
  • You prayed for this (Whoa!)
I did pray for a way out of corporate america, but I also knew I could
never stay @ home, nor did I want to.
So, yes, getting laid off was an answered prayer (be careful of what you
pray for...lol), but this isn't exactly what I had in mind!
I had purpose when I was working. I had a schedule, I knew what was
expected, I had daily goals & my day was structured to meet them. I got
up, got the little people ready, dropped them off, picked them up, made
dinner, gave baths and went to sleep. Routine. I hated it. But did I
really love it now that its gone? Or was I just so used to it that I
can't even function now that its gone?
Corporate America messed me up. It robbed me of my personality, of my
motivation, of my personal worth. It pilfered me. It stole my identity,
my goals, my life.
Or...is it just me? Was I so caught up that I let corporate america take
those things? Without even realizing it?
But everything I just wrote can be deleted because of who I am in
Christ.
This is hard because I thought I had it all together & wham...I see that
I didn't. This is the real deal. Being content in Christ alone. No job,
no income, no things when I want'em 'cause I want'em.
His word...that's what sustains me & tells me who I am.
Time to read, time to read...